COMMITTING TO A FRIEND
Sitting all day at home on my laptop with minimal social interaction creates emptiness. I am trying to remain sane by keeping myself busy at home but still not able to avoid many moments of dullness.
One such day, with all these feelings, I was scrolling through my you tube and saw the teaser of F.R.I.E.N.D.S reunion episode. Suddenly there was a smile on my face (it is just a sitcom! do not know why I become so happy). I immediately sent the link to few of my friends as I wanted to share this happiness!
Few weeks after, when I was actually watching the reunion episode, I had a smile throughout its 100 minutes of run. I have watched the sitcom so many times that it has become a part of my life. Watching the closing credits, I distinctly remembered one of the last lines of the series where Chandler says to his newly born children — “Look around guys, this was your first home and it was a happy place”.
This got me thinking — what made that place happy?
Yeah, I know it is the people. But, why did those people find happiness and love with each other?
As I started to spend more time with this thought, more questions started popping up in my head. Why do we find happiness with our parents, brothers/sisters, spouse, children and best friends?
Yes, there is love for one another (as could be seen in the sitcom as well) but does only love bring happiness or comfort with each other? Why most of us are able to find that love, care and happiness with our families but many a times not with our friends. When we see F.R.I.E.N.D.S, we feel happy to see them and somewhere even subconsciously wish for the same bond but a lot of times, we do not even intend to create this bond when we meet people in our colleges, jobs and life ahead. Why is this so?
I do not remember the number of times I have seen the series. Though most of the times I have skipped the intro song, I saw the song in the reunion episode. I found the essence of the answers to my questions in few of the lines in the song:
I’ll be there for you Like I’ve been there before
I’ll be there for you ’Cause you’re there for me too
The essence of that happy place is the assurance and reassurance that they are going to be there for each other like they have always been. For humans, this brings comfort and trust. We know if someone is there for us then they surely love us and care for us and we learn to trust the person for their intentions (and do not get swayed away by few words, jokes, fights, incidents, misunderstandings).
Why is home a happy place for most of us? Why do our parents love us? Why do our children love us? Why do we marry when we are already in love or living with each other?
This is because we find assurance and comfort in knowing that these people will always be there for us, people whom we can trust, who love and care for us. Marriage becomes a token for trust and as children, we are raised with this assurance.
In the relationships given to us by nature, most often than not, this assurance and trust builds automatically and naturally. But this isn’t true with our friends. With them, it needs to be developed and shared. We start to believe (may be sub consciously) that many of these people would be left behind after this life phase is over and hence may be, there isn’t a point in telling them that we care for them. As a result, we ending up losing the chance to experience a happy space like friends in F.R.I.E.N.D.S
Many friendships do create a space like family because over time they are able to assure each other that they are going to be there for each other.
Like we commit to our partners, it is worth to give commitment to our friends. To assure and re-assure them and create trust with them about how we love them and care for them and will be there for them and who knows we might be able to create another happy loved space in our lives forever with them.